Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Bittersweet Nostalgia of You

I remember smiling with you;
Laughing as we shoved ice cream into each others faces.
We watched the setting sun in great amazement; 
I now look back in sorrow at the moment the sun set upon us.

The long days wasted by the pond,
four-wheeling down to the creek to splash and giggle in the sun.
Whispered secrets adorned our ears; 
we always spoke of things no one else understood.

There's that one photograph, you know it.
It's the one of you laughing, smiling down upon me; 
your face alights with the glow of true adoration.
Me, I look into the eyes of the one who loves me.

I make the mistake of believing.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

A Beautiful Greeting

My life has a been a little uncertain over the last couple of months since I decided to take a semester off. I moved back home to a full house that recently became even more crowded. Just a few short weeks before I made the spontaneous decision, our home had been occupied by mom, dad, my two little sister's Hannah and Emma, and my beloved lab, Jessi. My 11 year old sister, Emma, received the very gracious gift of a little Shipoo (Shitzu poodle mix) puppy, and my 14 year old sister, Hannah, adopted a small gray kitten.

I entered a busy home life for sure. It's hard to shake the feeling, after you've been out on your own, of being a stranger in the place that used to be home. Of course it's still the warmest, most wonderful place on earth over weekend visits and Christmas break, but after living at home for awhile, all the reasons why you were excited to leave in the first place come flooding back. Like the authority your parents still have over you because you "live under their roof." Or the way your little sister thinks she owns you, and the sad look she gives you every time you leave, as if you're the worst person in the world.

Of course, the worst feeling, is the one of going nowhere in this world. When I went to college, almost two years ago, I never pictured myself in this place of uncertainty and sometimes what feels like absolute nothingness. The circumstances of my life have caused me to spend a great deal of time questioning God and His purposes. Would He really lead me down this path? Does he like to see me feel alone? It is during these times of questioning that He shows me his faithfulness the most, and I wouldn't trade any of my sorrow. I feel it is in times of uncertainty that I comprehend God's presence the most because I begin to search for it, and it's in little ways that I find it.

One day as I was having a particularly challenging time accepting my life I received a very heartwarming sign that everything was really not as bad as it felt. I was driving home from my small town library job and shedding a few tears over the loneliness I felt and longing to be in a more exciting setting. I felt as though I was accomplishing nothing, almost like my place in the world was obsolete. As I pulled into the driveway, I pulled myself together and plastered a smile on my face. Besides, there's almost nothing more joyous to me than hearing my dog bark a greeting through the door. I opened the door and was immediately reminded that there is a purpose to life, and it exists outside of my accomplishments, or prominence in the world at any given moment. It's the love given by those who care about you, and I felt it the moment I stepped over the thresh hold. 

I heard the sliding of Jessi's large feet over the linoleum and braced myself for her welcoming attack and the pitter patter of Maggie (the shipoo's) small feet running close behind. I knelt down as the two pups showered me with love as though I was the best thing to ever walk through that door and into their lives. "Casey!" I heard my littlest sister shout as she came running in to hug me. My older little sister entered shortly after with a smile and my mom greeted me with her always cheerful, "Hello! How was your day!" I realized that this was probably the greatest greeting I would ever have the privilege to receive. I would rather hear the sounds of these familiar feet, and listen to the music of loving voices sing me into the room than walk on stage to the applause of a million strangers (not that I would entirely object to that either ;). I silently thanked God for blessing me with the best family I've ever known. I stopped to wonder how I could even waste a moment of my beautiful life thinking on what isn't going right, when there's really nothing wrong. As I feel the pain of loneliness, or the sting of confusion in my life, I begin to count my blessings and feel overwhelmed by the love from people in my life, and from a God who knows my heart like no other.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Failure as an Aspiring Writer

This week I've come down with some kind of awful illness, consisting of the usual sore throat, ears, and runny nose. While contemplating what to do with my bedridden time, I thought, "I'll take a look at my blog."
I became deeply ashamed of myself when I discovered that my last blog post was from Thanksgiving. I decided it was almost blasphemous to all writers to even consider myself an aspiring author of any kind! I mean more than two months since my last post! However, I've been writing outside of the internet via old school tools such as pen and paper ;) I did decide that it's time to take a step towards the twenty first century and blog more regularly. At least twice a week :)

I'm an "on-the-go" type of person so being knocked down with a virus really doesn't suit my fancy, but it has given me time to catch up what's going on in the world, not much good of course, and another great thing...sleep!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ode to Thanksgiving (And joy of course)

The stress of school, mostly my workplace at school, has been weighing me down heavily for the past week. It's one of those situations where you're never good enough unless your perfect, and since perfection is just about impossible to obtain, I will always have a boss who seems to have nothing good to say about work performance.

But on to the real reason I decided to create a new post:

"Thank God for Thanksgiving"

Though we typically believe the pilgrims and indians to have been the originators of the widely celebrated holiday we deem "Thanksgiving," God really had it in His plans all along. I always viewed thanksgiving as a time to review the things I was grateful for in my life at the moment. Because I do this at Thanksgiving, the list consists of the usual "family, friends, oh...and turkey of course." As I've been pondering how God would have us celebrate thankfulness, I realize that it is much deeper than appreciating the "good" things we have in life. While we easily give thanks for the people who bring us happiness, comfort, and warmth, and of course the wonderful food we partake of, I feel that it would not be so easy for me to give thanks for a boss who makes me feel inadequate at times, or for the situations that have been challenging my perseverance lately. To what profit, to what gain, to what praise should I be seen if I but merely give thanks for the circumstances which make me "feel" good.

But the bible says this: "Be thankful for ALL things."


This concept blows my mind because I still want to think on only the blessings. As you go into this Thanksgiving season I want to encourage you to face the challenges you're going through with a joyful heart full of thanks to God for making you stronger. It should be considered an honor to preserver through the trials He brings.

Mostly though, today I am thankful for my beautiful family, my awesome friends, and of course, the gluten-free turkey and stuffing I'll be eating in 2 gorgeous days.

Friday, November 19, 2010

First Blog Post Ever!

So...this is my very first blog post!

I'm so excited to begin this blog because as an aspiring writer, I need to be consistent in putting my thoughts out in the form of written word whether it be on paper or virtual alternatives : )

I'm pretty much just a girl with a dream and as corny as that sounds it's the truth. If you know me, you know that I'm kinda corny. If you don't know me, well I'm just plain sorry ; p Honestly though, if I could tell you one thing about me it's that my biggest goal is simply to be content with whatever life I lead. This goal consists of walking the path God is laying for my life and following wherever that may take me. Whether to the streets of Antigua where I'll write stories to be published in National Geographic, or to the farmlands of my tiny town called Elkton in the thumb of Michigan, I'll be more than glad to simply live.